So I've been studying about faith lately...I just have been feeling like I need to learn more about it. Faith is an interesting thing...it's something that I've learned all my life about, and something that I taught people about for 18 months...but it's still something that I need to have more of.
Faith is an action word; it doesn't mean that I hope something will happen, and then I sit back and wait for it to happen; it mean that I do something about it. The question now is, "what?" Life...doesn't exactly always go the way we plan; actually, it usually goes the way we don't plan (which is a little rough for "planners" and "perfectionists" like me), but faith means that I trust that what Heavenly Father has planned for me is what will happen, and that He knows what best for me, even I don't think that's what's best, and then continuing forward, doing what He expects of me, and more, all the while also doing what I can to progress.
So why is faith so hard??? In the Bible it says, "we walk by faith, not by sight"...Heavenly Father wants us to trust in Him, and to rely on Him
Faith is what keeps us moving forward from day to day; its not a perfect knowledge, but you still hope for things even though you cannot see them.
I have faith in a lot things - faith that I can live with my family again after this life, faith that I will be taken care of if I do what I know I should do, faith that I will be guided to make that correct choices in my life.
But, lately, I've lacked the faith that I will ever find my eternal companion; and (I've realized recently) that this lack of faith has led me to be (subconsciously) angry with God - I feel like I'm a good person, I do what He has asked of me, served faithfully in my callings, and so why should a righteous desire such as finding my eternal companion not be realized?
I found this quote recently by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: "Expecting a trouble-free life because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge you because you are a vegetarian." For some reason, I found this quote to be very helpful; I've been struggling a lot lately - life isn't turning out according to my plan A, nor, necessarily, my plan B...I don't really know what my plan C looks like, but I think I've kinda given up trying to make my own plans. In stake conference a couple weeks ago, a girl gave a talk about the Lord's plan A, and how His plan A is always the best plan, no matter how far away it is from our own plan A.
I'm re-learning (learning for the first time? I don't know if I ever really learned this really and truly) to have faith in the Lord's plan and in His timing. It's a VERY difficult thing to do - I like to plan things out (I just made myself a 2 year calendar, for crying out loud!), and I can't see where I'm going, or even where He wants me to go
But I know that He loves me, that He wants the best for me, and that He will take care of me. That's what faith is, to me - not knowing anything else, except those three things, and walking into the dark because I know those three things - He loves, He wants what's best for me, and that He'll take care of me.